This time of the year often poses a heightened threat to my sense of purpose by getting caught up in a vicious web of distractions when the usual chaos of life is being forced out of sync. It is a particularly challenging time of year, one where I compare myself to that of a hamster on his wheel, confined to a tiny cage, running around in circles, feeling unfulfilled, inadequate, empty, hopeless and uncertain. This rush of emotions, much like the hamster on his wheel is always on autopilot, most of the time unaware of his efforts.
I have spent the past few weeks on autopilot, unaware of my surroundings and unaware of my efforts. I have been struggling to write, struggling to spend time on my social media pages and struggling to focus on my purpose. The magnification of these struggles has however led me to become aware as to how a person like me can begin to ‘live life on purpose’ by seeking some guidance towards self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is made up of several components, and I know somewhere deep down, it resides within me. It is first and foremost understanding your self-worth, which has been by far my biggest struggle to date. It is a willingness to see yourself for who you are and know that you have the right to control your life and well-being on a spiritual, physical, emotional and mental level. Self-empowerment is also finding the insight and inspiration to envision and generate a life worth living and in turn walking away from one that is not.
In order to live my life on purpose or give some clarity to it, I first need to find the strength, be able to express my true strength and finally take action through self-empowerment by developing a plan as to how I can gain that strength. I have learned so much throughout my journey thus far, most of which not too many people could ever begin to understand or even relate to which is one of the reasons I began to share my story. What this journey has taught me is that there is no quick fix, just like pixie dust or magic beans, there is no such thing as a magical pill to make everything better; no matter how much willpower someone has, it will not cure you; it is a myth that time heals all wounds, it may teach us how to live with the scars or cover up the pain, but it will forever be a part of you. Simply put the direction I want to go all begins and ends with me.
With all that in mind and knowing I still have so many obstacles standing in my way, I am continually trying to evolve into a person who can live a life on purpose. Just recently I returned to the gym where I have started swimming again and with the help of my husband, ensuring that this becomes a priority. I am trying to figure out a way to have balance in my life and in doing so I am learning how to slowly let go of many toxicities in my life. There is the belief that to be able to truly live your life on purpose one needs to be impacted by the “Law of Attraction” which uses the power of our mind to transcend our thoughts into reality when focusing on the positive.
Unfortunately one of the biggest obstacles standing in my way of gaining self-empowerment or finding the ability to live a life on purpose is the incapability to control the way I feel or the truthfulness of my thoughts. Each day is filled with doubt, indecision and hesitation as I continue to explore my destination. Experts say that we have over 50,000 thoughts per day and that 70 percent of depressed or anxious brains are negative ones. So is it true that the theory and physics behind the “Law of Attraction” is real, a theory that has been practiced for centuries, a theory that is telling me that all I need to do to survive, or become self-empowered and begin to live my life on purpose is to ask for what I want and be prepared (as prepared as a friggen boy scout!) to be handed it.