My emotions have been on high alert for several weeks now. My anxiety feels like it’s eating away at my insides and the thoughts of suicide have consumed my every waking moment.
I’m exhausted and overwhelmed most days (and nights); yesterday being no exception but in the late afternoon just as I began to spiral deeper and deeper into that abyss, Rich and I happened upon an extremely kindhearted, patient, friendly, older and very wise Orthodox Jewish man. He had a long white beard.
I can’t get him out of my mind.
I have said many times before in my writings that I have never truly believed that God actually exists at all but still, over the past few years I have slowly begun to open my heart up to a more spiritual journey with the help and kindness of a few individuals in particular where I have been able to find some really meaningful ways for me to embrace the strength of God.
Knowing very little about me or Rich from our brief encounter yesterday (which did involve some tears on my part) our conversation quickly turned to God and when the extremely kindhearted, patient, friendly, older and very wise Orthodox Jewish man with the long white beard saw how emotional I’d become he asked me if I knew what the Hebrew word Bitachon meant. I of course did not. He then proceeded to explain to me that the word Bitachon translates from Hebrew to English to mean “trust in God”. Upon a further, more in depth explanation, a recommended reading of “The Gates of Trust” and with some reflection on my part I quickly realized that maybe what I’ve needed all along (and Rich too!) is to actually trust more in God.
In general I have a difficult time trusting people of late, which is probably because I used to trust too easily and over time it’s come back to bite me in the ass too many times to count. I also know that in general the majority of people aren’t good at trust either, it can be quite challenging. My guess is that also includes with God.
God is in every one’s life whether we believe it or not and maybe yesterday was a sign from God that I need to learn to trust in her more in order to get me to a better place. I’m willing to go along for the ride with God; what other option do I even have at this point anyways? I am ready to put the effort in to develop a trusting relationship with God and have faith that if I lean into God more, if I place my heavy burdens and worries on God and allow her to protect me and watch over me that I am trusting that things will work out the way they are supposed to.
And why not let God carry my stressors for a while?
There is a quote (and my apologies because I don’t know where it originated from) but I do believe that yesterday can be summed up by this one quote. “We don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason.”
Yesterday was no accident. Yesterday I crossed paths with an extremely kindhearted, patient, friendly, older and very wise Orthodox Jewish man with a long white beard. He introduced himself to us as Michael or maybe he said Moses?
#shabbatshalom #trustingod #bitachon #Hebrew #quotes #anxiety #overwhelm #depression #suicideawareness #mentalhealth #youarenotalone #youareenough #moses #thegatesoftrust